About Alan Jude Ryland

Articles by Alan Jude Ryland

The Scoop

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Asked Twitter For Some Furniture Advice, And The Replies Went Bananas Right Quick

Members of Congress; they’re just like us! Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is maintaining a residence in Washington DC and she needs help picking out some furniture. So what did she decide to do? She reached out to her Twitter followers. She has over 3 million of them. At least one of them has to have a good … Continued

The Scoop

Two CNN Reporters Decided To Wear Matching Green Jackets, So Naturally Someone Green Screened The Sh*t Out Of Them

Wearing matching green jackets was probably the worst idea these two CNN correspondents had in a while. Or the best. We suppose it depends on how you look at it, and we kinda suspect they’re laughing as heartily as the rest of us after The Daily Show‘s Matt Negrin decided to use green screen technology on … Continued

The Scoop

Stormy Daniels Just Threw The Ultimate Diss At Michael Cohen During A Speech In D.C.

Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen have a history, in case you haven’t noticed. And even though Cohen’s on his way to prison after admitting that he violated campaign finance laws when he made hush money payments at President Donald Trump’s behest to influence the 2016 presidential election, Daniels says she “can’t escape” him because he’s … Continued


Padma Lakshmi Just Shared Her Own Immigration Story To Perfectly Call Out ‘Lunatic’ President Trump

Top Chef  host Padma Lakshmi stopped by The Daily Show with Trevor Noah and gave host Trevor Noah—and the rest of us—something to mull over when she used her own immigration story to call out President Donald Trump, whom she referred to as “a lunatic.” (Padma, you’re preaching to the choir, girl.) Lakshmi, who is Indian, … Continued

The Scoop

The 5th Grade Teacher Who Reportedly Decided A Mock Slavery Auction Of Her Black Students Was Appropriate Is Now Under Investigation

Years of history lessons have taught us something rather vital: America as we know it today was created on the backs of slaves whose descendants are still feeling the effects of discrimination across multiple facets of private and public life, so it’s probably something you shouldn’t joke about. And you probably shouldn’t hold a mock slave … Continued

The Scoop

There’s Now A GoPro For Your Dick Because The World Wasn’t A Big Enough Dumpster Fire Already

There’s actually a GoPro for your dick, and it’s ri-DICK-ulous. Yes, I went there. But how could I not? This is 2019, everyone, and this is the year that you can purchase a CockCam, “the world’s first cock ring with a camera” created by UK-based sex toy company Julz. The CockCam features: Amazing night vision … Continued

The Scoop

We Hate To Admit It, But Justin Amash Just Responded To Being Called ‘The Loneliest Republican In Congress’ With The Perfect Joke

Representative Justin Amash (R-MI) is “the loneliest Republican in Congress,” according to a CNN report. Justin Amash is the loneliest Republican in Congress https://t.co/dW188ulLNw pic.twitter.com/8pbX2wSq6g — CNN Politics (@CNNPolitics) March 10, 2019 Why might that be? It might be because Amash’s “closest allies — conservatives who routinely sparred with the GOP establishment in the past … Continued

The Scoop

Trump’s Legion Of Supporters Now Have Their Own Yelp-Style App To Ensure They Avoid Dining At ‘MAGAphobic’ Restaurants

Donald Trump’s presidency has been both chaotic and surreal, and things have gotten even more surreal now that we know of the existence of “63red Safe,” an app that allows users to find a list of Trump-friendly businesses. It’s a “conservative Yelp,” according to The Daily Beast. But Yelp invites you to comment on things such … Continued

The Scoop

Marco Rubio’s Tweet About A Transformer Explosion In Venezuela Just Turned Into The Most Awkward Of Face-Palms

Venezuela’s blackout has kept the country in the shadows for the last four days and Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) has been hard at work relaying what is happening in the country. And it’s nothing short of ‘he said what now?’ He did, of course, say that the power outage is the result of the Maduro … Continued

They Tried It

Banker Says Millionaires ‘Literally Weep’ From The Stress Of It All, And Twitter Rips Him To Shreds

David Morgan, the former CEO of Australia’s Westpac Banking Corporation tried to justify inflated CEO salaries. It didn’t go too well. Running a business is no doubt very stressful, but Morgan says the reality of being a millionaire CEO is “seldom openly discussed.” Let’s do some simple math: Morgan was the CEO of Westpac from … Continued

They Tried It

Conservative Writer Called for a Boycott of Girl Scout Cookies Because Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Was a Girl Scout, and AOC Just Perfectly Clapped Back

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has, if you believe the hullabaloo from Fox News, committed many crimes. She’s a socialist. She’s “inexperienced.” She wants to enforce a Green New Deal, a carbon slashing infrastructure plan that would go a long way to addressing the United States’ contributions to climate change. She’s also a former Girl Scout. … Continued

The Scoop

Hillary Clinton Just Responded To A Trump Tweet With The Most Accurate And Shady ‘Mean Girls’ GIF

Hillary Clinton is a fan of Mean Girls and she knows how to fire off a quote from the popular teen comedy better than… Well, better than President Donald Trump, that’s for sure. The President has still not stopped talking about the 2016 election—an act which he still does not seem to realize only continues to … Continued