Macaulay Culkin Just Showed Us All What A ‘Home Alone’ Reboot Would Actually Look Like—And Yep, Seems About Right

Boy, the times they are a-changin’ aren’t they?

Even Disney, the makers of such theatrical tentpole classics as the O.G. The Lion King and Aladdin are going the way of Netflix, launching their own streaming service, Disney+.

And they’re murdering our childhoods with a knife and leaving them to bleed out on the side of the freeway in the process.

Remaking Home Alone‽

AN OUTRAGE! We must not allow it!

Except we have no power over anything so I guess we must just accept this, like everything in this smoldering hellscape nowadays.

Great. 

We can take one small comfort though: even Home Alone legend Macaulay Culkin, Kevin Macallister himself, seems to think this is a dumb idea.

Yes, exactly!

Here’s my pitch:

Kevin, now 38, spends his days “home alone” in a food coma on a dirty couch, drinking his way through the collapse of late capitalism because the trauma of being left home alone left Kevin a broken hull of a person and his relationships with his parents and 47 siblings never healed.

Also that one sister still calls him “les incompetents” to this day behind his back. 

Now that’s a reboot!

And judging by Twitter, there are plenty of people who’d be onboard for a remake, if it came with present-day Macaulay.

And some people had even better pitches.

I would buy a ticket to every showing of this particular reboot. I would just move into the theater with a sleeping bag and watch the entire run.

Or how about this one:

This is basically one of those travel documentaries that used to be on the Travel Channel before they pivoted to everything being about ghost-hunting, and be honest: you didn’t realize how badly you wanted this until someone said it, right?

But if we are going to replace Macaulay, this is a pretty good place to start:

A new Home Alone is also an opportunity to right wrongs from the first one…

So there’s a bright side of things at least.

However, a few people couldn’t help but point out the difficulty in rebooting a movie hinges entirely on there not being any technology to solve the film’s central conflict.

So scratch all the pitches. This movie is dead in the water.

Hey Dead in the Water would be a decent name for a much darker reboot, a police procedural about the Wet Bandits who’ve upgraded from burglary to murder.

GET ME A MEETING WITH DISNEY+!

The original two Home Alone films are available here.

615 Shares