Phil Kadner is an award winning journalist who has been reporting on the hard hitting news for decades, but it is his opinion piece about a class action lawsuit over McDonald’s cheese that has the internet all a twitter.
Kadner pulls no punches in his piece written for the Chicago Sun-Times when he lays down the law and proclaims:
A hamburger does not have cheese.
Kadner’s column proves he has a firm grasp on the workings of modern society when he says in this hysterical rant:
If a restaurant orders its frozen burgers with cheese from a corporate entity, cooks them early in the morning and then drops them into some heated vat full of grease for hours, it would be difficult for employees to separate the melted cheese from the burgers. Employees would have to put down their cell phones, grab the burger patties, pull off the cheese and then go back to texting, which would really mess up their smart phones.
Kadner’s column is firmly on the side of the two Florida customers who filed the lawsuit claiming McDonald’s forces it’s customers to pay for cheese they are not receiving. Kadner also takes it a step forward and gets into the nitty gritty of language and the meaning between cheeseburger and hamburger.
The majority of people I have spoken to about this seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to ruin a hamburger by putting cheese on it and think anyone who frets over the bastardization of the English language is simply a troublemaker. Just order a hamburger with no cheese, they tell me.
He goes on to point out that it may seem like just a slice of cheese, but even cheese adds up in the wallet over time.
Through the years I have been charged for cheese I did not order on fish sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, salads. I could be a millionaire if I got all my money back for cheese I never received.
The opinion piece really took off after Hayes Davenport shared clips of the piece on his Twitter account.
save local news pic.twitter.com/ApxFCg7NDR
— Hayes Davenport (@hayesdavenport) May 30, 2018
People were feeling Kadner’s pain.
One time I ordered a sandwich and said “hold the tomatoes”. The guy makes extraordinary sandwiches, but he didn't know what that phrase meant. I got a sandwich where the only topping was a big old bunch of tomatoes. Now if I want something held I just say “No mayo” or whatever
— Spatula City (@Spatula8) May 30, 2018
I once ordered my daughter a plain cheeseburger, no pickles or onions. Clerk:nothing on it?
Me: nothing please
I got two pieces of bread
— Momo. (@AngelusofDeath) May 30, 2018
This is literally the only local opinion column I’ve ever agreed with. Hamburger guy, run for city council
— Butt (Yes on F, No on H) Praxis (@buttpraxis) May 30, 2018