Every kid has some weird thing they form an unbreakable attachment to. It’s just a rite of passage.
For instance, if I asked you to guess my nephew’s favorite toy, you’d probably say something like a truck, or a stuffed animal, or a ball, but you’d be wrong. It’s a spatula. He takes it everywhere. My phone is full of adorable pictures of this kid, and if you look closely, you’ll find a spatula in nearly all of them, except for the days when he’s decided to trade it for a ladle. A kid’s heart wants what it wants!
This phenomenon explains why one UK toddler is obsessed with a Shakespeare doll, even though the doll in question is indisputably creepy.
My daughter was given this creepy William Shakespeare doll and it has become her favourite toy. She cuddles “Shayspar” at night, brushes his gross old man hair & puts him on the potty. Do I just embrace this? Do I hide him before their bond is unbreakable? pic.twitter.com/MKkYWgISfr
— Sophie McBain (@SEMcBain) December 13, 2018
That doll definitely spends a lot of time pulling the wings off butterflies in his basement or something equally terrifying. Just look at his dead eyes. He’s not right.
But to Sophie McBain’s daughter, he’s the best friend she’s ever had. McBain, a British reporter for The New Statesman based in New York City, recently talked with BuzzFeed about her 20-month-old daughter’s dedication to “Shayspar,” as she calls the doll, after her tweet about him went viral. Shayspar was a Christmas gift last year, but McBain’s daughter only recently took an interest.
As she told BuzzFeed:
“She’s got all these cute stuffed monkeys and bunnies and an Elmo toy, but for some reason, it’s ‘Shayspar’ who’s really captured her imagination.”
“She likes to put him on the potty quite a bit. Which is interesting because I’ve been trying for a long time to get her to sit on the potty, and it’s not happening, but Shakespeare spends a lot of time on the potty.”
Who wouldn’t be terrified of this friendship between a little girl and her profoundly creepy, likely murderous Shayspar? (I don’t trust him. There, I said it.)
On Twitter, people shared in McBain’s anxiety:
Well, it looks like you got a haunted doll situation. Burn it before it is too late https://t.co/NP2okaymRT
— Dictator of the Moon for life (@The_Moon_Mayor) December 13, 2018
Taking the doll away is like the very first thing that happens in a horror movie. https://t.co/1yEtd2yD4G
— Connoisseur of shade (@shadewizard) December 14, 2018
Kill him with fire while you can https://t.co/NmICzkxpaN
— Brunnihild Beast (@brunny_troll) December 14, 2018
But others were delighted by a kid falling in love with something so high-brow!
This would be my DREAM as a parent 😂 https://t.co/yJJDRrV2SE
— Michael Green (@lifebettergreen) December 13, 2018
Get "The Complete Works of WS" and jump out of the way. https://t.co/Pe3CwNz22b
— TweeterXIX (@grockleleader) December 13, 2018
do not hide shakespeare. the humanities are in enough trouble without shakepeare dolls being sent into exile.
— Iron Hermit (@2bigdoghouse) December 13, 2018
And one person pointed out that this whole thing could be a lot worse…
Yeah… Shayspar is fine. pic.twitter.com/WsH5pvliDq
— Cortina Womack (@CortinaWomack) December 14, 2018
While others saw glimpses into the child’s future:
this is wayyy creepier than the doll
— Clark Street Kremlinologist, PhD (@guattari7800) December 14, 2018
…including possibly unfortunate portents:
Ma'am, don't get rid of the doll. I think you have a future English Literature major in your hands … I'm telling you as an English Literature major. https://t.co/wYlDGd36Rn
— MissDthePFSC (@MissDthePFSC) December 14, 2018
sorry but your daughter's a future english major https://t.co/w5gKaTcAiC
— shadiya (@_makethmurder) December 13, 2018
Another toddler, another useless future liberal arts degree. As I said, a kid’s heart wants what it wants!