Parenting is hard. Really, really, reeeeeely hard — especially when it comes to infants.
The little guys are 100% dependent on you to survive, and unfortunately, you are a human being who is at least partially dependent on sleep to function. Infants, strangely enough, are perfectly designed to take your normal sleep schedule and fling it out the window. That sleep deprivation is how mistakes get made. Disgustingly hilarious mistakes.
Enter a woman we have dubbed “Poop Mouth Mom.” She’s a Reddit user with quite the story to tell. You see, one morning during a particularly rushed and sleep deprived diaper change she ended up accidentally eating her babies poop.
All of you right now:
The story starts like a lot of other mornings in Parentville. She was already running late when the baby decided to pick the most inopportune moment possible to take a massive dump. As babies do. So she sleepily and frantically unbuckled the little one and laid them down for a change. This was a multiple baby-wipe situation!
Those of you who had or have babies know that wipes have a habit of sticking together, and when you’re holding down your wiggly little one with one hand and trying to wipe with the other… well … sometimes teeth are the best tools you’ve got to work with. No idea why parents don’t grow more hands when they have infants… maybe on the next evolutionary upgrade. Anyway, there’s mom, hands full, baby-butt dirty, wipes stuck together.
We’ll let her take it from there…
“I was running late to an appointment this morning so I was frantically trying to get bag packed and baby ready. As I’m putting him in the car seat, I see his face turn red and he takes the biggest, loudest poop I’ve ever heard. I quickly unbuckle him, run upstairs, undress him, and start wiping him down. I take the first wipe and clean off a mountain of poop, trying to get as much off as I can. Now, the wipes we use don’t separate very well when you pull them out. So when I’m in a rush and only have one hand free, I rip them apart with my teeth to separate them. I think you can see where this is going.”
“In one hand I have the wipe drenched in poop, and in the other hand I have the two clean wipes stuck together that I just pulled out. In my rushed, panicked, sleep deprived state, I shove the shit-covered wipe in my mouth and bite down. Poop fills my mouth. I stood there for probably way too long because I couldn’t even believe what I just did. I spit the wipe out and started cleaning my mouth out with the clean wipes. I moved my still-poopy baby to the crib for a second while I ran to the washroom to gag and rinse with all the mouthwash we own. When I came back to finish cleaning up, my baby looked at me and just gave the biggest, gummiest smile possible. He probably thought it was a fun game we were playing or something.”
“No one warns you about some of the nasty stuff you’ll go through in parenthood! I’m letting SO deal with all diaper changes for the rest of today :’)”
“Edit – I’m glad that me eating poop could entertain you guys 😭 and thank you to all my fellow poop eaters for the stories. It’s good to know I’m not alone.”
Guys… moment of silence for this brave and beautiful poop-mouthed warrior. Her honesty is truly moving and inspirational.
Responses poured in from parents who — believe it or not — could totally relate. Check these out!
“Dude. I’ve accidentally ate baby poop too. It tasted like clay. Somehow, a little nugget escaped my son’s diaper and ended up on my plate of eggs and sausage. It looked like a fucking piece of sausage! Into my mouth it goes. Something is wrong. It dawns on me. I spit it out and brush my teeth a hundred times.
So you’re not alone. We are the poop-eaters.”
“This is definitely near the top of baby challenges.
When our oldest was about 3, he came into our room in the middle of the night and woke me up to say that he was sick to his stomach. I picked him up to set him on the bed, and he projectile vomited right into my mouth. Not the way I wanted to be woken up…”
“When I was 11 I was sitting on the floor watching cartoons eating chocolate pop tarts. My brother, who was just shy of two at the time came by looking for some so I broke off a small piece and gave it to him. A minute or two goes by and he puts the piece back down on my plate. I guess he took a bite and wasn’t interested. So I picked it up and as soon as it was in my mouth I knew. My brothers still work it into any conversation they can.”
“This definitely happened to me at least once, and to my husband one time as well.
I barely remember anything about it as our kid’s been toilet trained for 3+ years, but the thoughts that “poop just went in my mouth poop in MY MOUTH get me All The Mouthwash” stick to this day.
Congratulations – it’s a rite of passage :)”
“I ate poop once too. My newly walking and talking toddler made a game out of me kissing his boo boos. He runs up to me one morning with his hand out saying what i THOUGHT was boo boo so naturally i lean over and kiss his fingers. The moment those poop covered fingers hit my lips i realized he was actually saying POO POO. Good times. He got a giggle out of my gags.”
Apparently, parents eat poop… among other things. What’s your worst diaper-related disaster story? And if you don’t have a story to tell, I bet your mom does.