On Sunday, podcast host Whit Reynolds (@whitneyarner) challenged her followers to describe themselves how they imagined a male author would see them.
The results of which may not have been all that surprising— but they were pretty darn funny.
new twitter challenge: describe yourself like a male author would
— Jonathan Franzia (@whitneyarner) April 1, 2018
She slid her legs into skintight jeans, the better to flaunt their leg-like shape, and strode down a corridor, walking on her legs, which were long. Wow, she thought, my legs are so long. Her breasts jounced their agreement. https://t.co/gOlZkSmK5u
— Samantha Shannon (@say_shannon) April 3, 2018
Her breasts were like two scoops of vanilla ice cream covering the maze of her inside parts. She had a face too, he thought, but it kept speaking. https://t.co/8mXEzrYHQA
— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) April 2, 2018
basically, pic.twitter.com/io8s3Y14UF
— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) April 1, 2018
Opinionated, loud and bafflingly disinterested in anything I had to say, she had the confidence of a much thinner woman. https://t.co/5Vsz2wLMkW
— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) April 3, 2018
In July of last year, Babe.net posted something similar in a piece called A small collection of the times male authors had absolutely no idea how to write about women, it included samples of the kind of faux pas men make when writing for women—those examples weren’t too far off from the ideas brought forth by the women of Twitter. *Maybe we’ve all seen it a time or two before, heh?
Like this one from Julia Carpenter who provided us all with a stunning passage from John Updike to tickle our funny bone last July:
This is what happens when we let men write books pic.twitter.com/BwQDX337K4
— Julia Carpenter (@juliaccarpenter) July 21, 2017
And while most women agreed that male writers are focusing WAY too much of their female characters’ page time describing just exactly how attractive and F-able they are—or not.
It seemed some ladies used this little exercise as an opportunity for a little self-deprecation.
It's almost like being attractive wasn't a goal…
— Rae (@rainasrubble) April 1, 2018
If she 'looked after herself a bit more' & got a hairstyle & 'stopped hiding herself behind that hair' she would be stunning. She 'must be a size 10' & would have loads of men after her if she would 'relax and have fun'. Great company if she 'stop digging', get 'back to normal'
— Em Do (@Emma_niDhulaing) April 1, 2018
She caught my eye in a peripheral sort of way; just enough that I noticed her form in the background. Upon inspection, her tight frown and standoffish demeanor invited me to skate my eyes away from her in discomfort. Moments later, she was completely erased from my memory.
— Alicia Mestre (@aliciamestre) April 1, 2018
Unbeknownst to most who were participating in Reynolds’ experiment, Twitter user and YA novelist, Gwen Katz had just pointed out something similar a couple days earlier: a male writer who felt he’d definitively solved the whole men writing for women conundrum by offering up his own book as proof.
The results, as expected, were hilarious:
A male author is insisting that he is living proof that it's possible for a male author to write an authentic female protagonist.
Here's a quote from his first page. pic.twitter.com/f6d5bN2EHq
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
Do you want another quote? You want another quote. pic.twitter.com/JYfYZlYj6u
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
She's not a prude but she's also not a slut. pic.twitter.com/jwm8rRfH7e
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
“Completely adorable” is DEFINITELY a phrase real women would use to describe predatory men. pic.twitter.com/hxOnu0l0Mo
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
Last one. Did I mention these are all from chapter one? pic.twitter.com/nB7GpIwbgC
— Gwen C. Katz (@gwenckatz) March 30, 2018
Back on Reynolds’ thread, some responses were admittedly, MUCH funnier than others:
She had an ass that just wouldn’t quit. Instead it would make increasingly poorly thought out excuses until you got the message and fired it. https://t.co/4N8zYtxT2W
— Lucy Prebble (@lucyprebblish) April 3, 2018
She had a butt like two buttery brioche rolls and presumably an inner world and job of some kind. https://t.co/kvipWdTRhg
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) April 2, 2018
Her undersized bosom did not suggest the surprise that on the other side of her was a sizable ass. He began to think of her body a a mullet. She was business in the front and a party in the back. https://t.co/H2OdY77Pmb
— Sarah Watson (@SarahWatson42) April 2, 2018
Then, the men weighed in…
This thread is hilarious. And given that my first novel will feature a female protagonist – sobering. Am reassured that I haven’t yet described Kate Marsden’s boobs or said she was ‘feisty’. https://t.co/7pSZCPL3uf
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) April 1, 2018
Just treat them like people, Chuck, it ain’t that hard
— Kate Leth ✨ (@kateleth) April 2, 2018
H/T: Twitter