In the Kenilworth Public Schools system in New Jersey, there was a great mystery afoot: someone was pooping and urinating on the track field of Holmdel High School.
One would likely assume that it was a disgruntled student, or perhaps even one of the school’s alumni.
Nope! On Thursday, it was reported…
— News12NJ (@News12NJ) May 3, 2018
Wait, can we just get that one more time, we’re not sure we read it right…
Overheard in the newsroom: “Yeah, hold on one second, I just have to publish something about a superintendent pooping.” https://t.co/dxTFp106RZ
— Jessica Remo (@JessicaRemoNJ) May 3, 2018
Yup, that’s right. The culprit was caught, and it was the superintendent of the district, Thomas Tramaglini.
He was caught in the act after security cameras were installed to capture whoever was… pooping on the track. Staff had said that they had been finding these feces on or near the track on a daily basis.
NJ.com‘s push notification about this was on point…
— Kevin Wendt (@kwendt) May 3, 2018
And then, of course, this news broke…
so the superintendent of kenilworth got arrested for SHITTING ON A TRAck in holmdel LMfaooooo pic.twitter.com/fdhdOfzBRi
— baby b (@biancaxbenitez) May 3, 2018
“Tramaglini has taken a paid leave of absence from his $147,504 a year job in Kenilworth.”
Making 150k a year and you’re out there pooping on a high school football field “on a daily basis”? https://t.co/KFdujeKYN5
— Andrew Martonik (@andrewmartonik) May 3, 2018
But there still may be some consequences…
— Steph Solis (@stephmsolis) May 3, 2018
People couldn’t resist some good puns…
This is an A+ push
— Will Federman (@wfederman) May 3, 2018
I’d say this story deserves to be the Number 2 story of the day.
— Ted Vician (@StinkenderKase) May 3, 2018
— Melinda Byerley (@MJB_SF) May 4, 2018
His name is Thomas so the obvious headline is ‘Pooping Tom’
— Viscountess Sharilyn (@sharilyn) May 4, 2018
This story moves me.
— GarageCrow (@GarageCrow) May 4, 2018
— M. Amsterdam (@emmdee22) May 4, 2018
Others couldn’t believe that he was being put on paid leave…
Paid leave? After at the school he gets paid???! They should never paid him !
— Terence Blanco (@waterbearer1982) May 4, 2018
So that’s how you get free paid vacation!!!!?!? pic.twitter.com/Y9NAI7NIiP
— Kristin (@KristinM1) May 3, 2018
This man clearly deserves a raise
— Devon Bott (@DevonBott) May 3, 2018
Paid Leave?!?!!?!? Let me find a nice softball field to take a damn squat……. pic.twitter.com/XbyE7dkAjJ
— Xtensive (@Bronzed_Glow) May 3, 2018
And of course, Scooby Doo references were made…
This is like the world’s worst Scooby Doo ending: “Mystery pooper at N.J. high school’s track turned out to be superintendent, cops say”
— Steven Lemongello (@SteveLemongello) May 3, 2018
— John D. Shabe (@johndshabe) May 3, 2018
But we all still have one question…
— Myles Ma (@MylesMaNJ) May 3, 2018
Maybe one day we’ll find out.