“No. No we’re not nearly there yet” pic.twitter.com/jz8F2GIEOS
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
That is a look of despair. One you’d expect to see from a man that just learned his 25-year employment has been terminated and a computer is replacing him. But Simon Smith didn’t lose his job. He’s lost his mind during a two-hour coach ride to the London Science Museum.
I’m fucking framing this. FIN. pic.twitter.com/fXSN72kTyL
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
I’m just waiting for the film version to come out. One man, one coach, one trip, one last nerve…Speed 3, Die Hard in a science museum, Simon Smith and the nervous breakdown https://t.co/qOgLmZ4kJt
— Neil Carlisle (@azrael0374) May 22, 2018
Smith opted to chaperone a trip for a class of 10-year-olds to the science museum and what unfolded was hilarity for the Twitterverse and a living nightmare for him. He starts off his experience the day before, on May 20th, already pessimistic about the experience. “I’ve got a treat for you tomorrow. I’m live tweeting adulting on a School Trip to the Science Museum.”
I’ve got a treat for you tomorrow. I’m live tweeting adulting on a School Trip to the Science Museum. Coach Trip. 60 Year 5’s. SCENES
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 20, 2018
But before he can embark on his epic journey, there’s a bit of unusual paperwork for him to sign.
8:40am. I’ve signed a risk assessment and promised not to take any photos. WE’RE GOING TO THE SCIENCE MUSEUM
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
First post is unwittingly the funniest. Who would think that a trip to the science museum needs the same legal warnings as if you were going to authorize an untrained civilian to operate railroad equipment.
— cudak888 (@cudak888) May 22, 2018
First thing in the morning, before the coach even sets off on the two-hour trip, Smith gets a taste of what he’s in for. When 60 10-year-olds say they don’t need to use the bathroom, you can bet, within a half-hour of the trip, they’ll all need to go.
8:47am. The children are all being sent to the toilet before we get on the coach. Apparently none of them need to go.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Before that reality sets in, however, Smith deals with the apparent “fuckery” caused by seat belts.
Ah. Coach seats all have seatbelts now. This is causing an unprecedented amount of fuckery
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
And that one inevitable student who can’t handle the ride.
I’ve been seated next to ‘Bruv’ he’s just announced he’s prone to travel sickness
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Only a mile in, Smith starts to realize what he’s gotten himself into and is forced to listen to the banter of the youth.
One mile in. Most of the lunches have gone and approximately 30% of the people on this coach need the toilet
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
A barrage of ear-piss now about Fortnite, coach crashes, and the new PS5 console coming out in September for FOUR THOUSAND POUNDS
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Then, the worst of it hits…
Farts. Farts are occurring.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Just been issued this for ‘Bruv’ pic.twitter.com/9g6OSMOMX1
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
If this rancid smell is the work of one boy then wow. Its like a medieval mortuary
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
When they arrive at the science museum, the torture only worsens for Smith.
Updated Ear Piss:
I’m hungry
I’m thirsty
If I fell from here would I die?
I forgot my lunch
Sometimes when I poo there’s peanuts in itFML
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Once in the museum, things don’t get much better.
Fucks sake. I’ve lost one
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
ITS JUST NOISE AND FUCKERY pic.twitter.com/Azxy8EX63R
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Seven ten year olds in a gift shop is like a really shit hybrid version of The Crystal Maze and fucking Die Hard
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
I’m not going to lie Twitter. I’m at my breaking threshhold.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
On the way back home, Smith makes a realization that may have crushed what was left of his soul.
The best thing about today? They learned NOTHING at the science museum. Nothing. It was the educational equivalent of giving a chimpanzee a fucking Macbook Air
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Thank you, Mr. Smith, for enduring such horrors for our entertainment.
Thank you all for your support. I couldn’t have done it without you all.
— Simon Smith (@simonfromharlow) May 21, 2018
Smith isn’t the only one to have had such an experience. Others have chimed in with similar memories.
It was funny. But in my day it was 60 YR1/2 kids on the tube; no agreement on route and several caps and shoes flying off onto the tracks. Tweets, tears and tantrums as school trip leaves father a broken manhttps://t.co/mt6TEmuGZe
— Micon Metcalfe (@miconm) May 22, 2018
the science museum is the ONE place my mum refuses to go after a fairly traumatic experience accompanying me on a school trip there in 99
— amy (@amy__charlotte) May 22, 2018
Just read that thread about the guy who went on a school trip as a helper and all I can say is, mate if you haven’t had to bodily separate two punching and kicking 7 year olds in the space section while a science museum employee shouts at you I’m not impressed
— Lucy Dearlove (@dearlucy) May 22, 2018
My teacher mum once roped me into helping on a school trip & this brilliant thread rang a few bells. A dad from Harlow live tweets his experience of accompanying 60 10-year-olds on a coach trip to the Science Museum… https://t.co/dweRkgJQ9D
— Rob Setchell (@RobSetchell) May 22, 2018
As much fun as Smith’s Twitter-rant was, there’s always somebody to kill the mood. Robin Stevens (@redbreastedbird) takes care of the joy you may have gotten out of the thread with a truth bomb.
On the one hand, that thread about the Science Museum trip is very funny. But on the other, I feel like this man has seriously underestimated how much all of the children concerned can and will find him on Twitter.
— Robin Stevens (@redbreastedbird) May 22, 2018
And if they’re not ruining the fun with reality, they’re playing a game of “Others have it worse!” or finding a way to turn it into a gender battle.
Meant to say, the geezer who went on a school trip to the Science Museum – TRY BEING A TEACHING ASSISTANT
— Sharon (@DoctorWarmflash) May 22, 2018
Can you imagine the outcry if a woman had written that “bus trip to the Science Museum” thread you’re all so gleefully RTing? Only men are allowed the freedom to be incompetent at childminding.
— Gentrifizierende Neubauten (@KarenDTregaskin) May 22, 2018
Knock it off, Twitter. Just let us and Mr. Smith have our fun.
H/T: Twitter
