At the beginning of the month, the much-reviled conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed performance artist Alex Jones, of InfoWars fame, tweeted his theory that Democrats were planning to start a civil war on the Fourth of July—Independence Day.
Here’s Alex Jones’s original tweet:
BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018
But what Jones wasn’t planning for was a backlash of tweets mocking his ludicrous notion. Using the hashtag #secondcivilwarletters, folks on Twitter wrote a series of correspondence tweets as if they were on the front lines of battle.
And the results were hilarious:
We have taken control of the Chick-fil-a but I fear those Trumpsters have taken one of our Starbucks. We march at dawn for ice lattes and freedom.#secondcivilwarletters
— Zakary Haines (@Attack_Zak17) July 3, 2018
It was truly, a black Friday.
— jlyons_68 (@jlyons_68) July 3, 2018
My dearest rose,
There are but few places in this heathen field for a man to charge his iPad. Worse, I fear you must imagine the lunch I am having, as the Instagrams is down.
Heath X Buford, 1st Hipster Batallion, The Fighting Kale Wraps#SecondCivilWarLetters
— Heath Harper (@heath_harper) July 4, 2018
And while some comments were purely funny:
“Hello, Command? I'd like to report someone having a BBQ on the battlefield.”
— Teri Kennedy (@TeriKen131357) July 4, 2018
At dawn we surrounded the podium…
It was then that we captured the flag.
— Groucho2.0 (@georgefenneman) July 4, 2018
Our troops heading towards the enemy lines. May they go with God.
War is hell.
— Sarah Blaskey (@GrnEydBlnd) July 4, 2018
Other commenters were particularly deft with inserting some comical commentary:
My brothers and sisters:
I regretfully report that I will not be able to make it to the battlefield for the #SecondCivilWar. I was drafting battle plans in a Starbucks when I was arrested for not buying anything. You must stay strong in my absence. #secondcivilwarletters
— Louis Morgan (@MasterMorgan317) July 4, 2018
While this war has been tiresome, I don’t expect it to last. Red Hat casualties are mounting. They choose not to treat their wounded brethren, instead they just scream “I’M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR HEALTHCARE” & leave them for dead.
Yours Always, A#secondcivilwarletters
— Keeping Cancer Classy (@KeepCancrClassy) July 4, 2018
Please send word to Sgt. William Nye of the 401st Facts and Empirical Evidence Brigade that I have infiltrated the enemy camp and replaced their cots with yoga mats. I pray their newfound flexibility extends to include civility and critical thinking skills. #SecondCivilWarLetters
— Steven Sellers (@Soupersteve) July 5, 2018
And in some cases, the battle of the wits led straight to the library:
Dear Ma and Pa,
It’s Day 2 of the #SecondCivilWar. My comrades and I have set up camp in a library. There is absolutely no chance they will find us here.
— Sam Bova (@sam_bova) July 4, 2018
We’ve trapped the MAGAts in our local library, turning it into a torture chamber. We’ve forced reading comprehension textbooks& grammar lessons 24/7. The screams are unbearable. Then we diagram sentences. I am a sadist. War is brutal.#secondcivilwarletters
— maketimetochange (@ml42273) July 4, 2018
One from the allies:
I will not be participating in your second civil war, as I am Canadian and abhor conflict. However I will be stationed at your northern border with orange slices and juice boxes if anyone gets thirsty or needs a hug.#secondcivilwarletters
— Eric (@CANHawk1) July 5, 2018