Usually, the Comedy Central Roasts provide some of the most necessary and welcome character assassinations done in the name of good humor.
Drive around any major metropolitan area and you might see the billboards for the most recent offering – Bruce Willis – all dolled up in a white tuxedo, crammed into an air vent with the wry grin that America has come to love.
@sark Everytime I see this commercial for the Bruce Willis Roast I think of you saying “Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs…” and I bust out laughing. pic.twitter.com/Y7s5kSsY7T
— Parker (@paxxer) July 12, 2018
But the real star of the show might end up being Bruce’s former soulmate, Demi Moore who apparently disassembled the action hero in a surprise roast appearance for the ages.
Comedy Central hasn’t released the footage yet, but the attendees are positively abuzz about it thanks to the epic digs:
“I look at our marriage like The Sixth Sense… you were dead the whole time.”
“I was married to Bruce for the first three Die Hard movies, which makes sense, because the last two sucked.”
“When our daughter Rumer was a baby and it was his turn to change the diaper in the middle of the night, he would lean over and whisper to me, ‘I’ll give you a thousand dollars right now if you change that diaper.’”
And in a courageous nod to the toxicity of certain serial abusers, Demi killed it with the line of the night:
“Bruce got his career-breaking moment in ‘Pulp Fiction,’ and it seemed really odd at the time, this big action star in a little indie film,” she said, “but Bruce went over to Harvey Weinstein’s hotel, and I don’t know, but he came back and said, ‘I got the part!’”
Ooof. Zing. Brutal stuff, Demi.
Moore said Bruce Willis is “easily one of my top three husbands” https://t.co/9kpi2j1XKH
— Variety (@Variety) July 15, 2018
So on the one end of the scale, you’ve got ex-wife and powerhouse Demi Moore.
On the other, apparently, is one of the only two Americans to be friends with Kim Jong-Un: Dennis Rodman, whose attempt at a roast of Willia apparently got booed.
.@dennisrodman struggled in general and apologized a number of times to the audience and guests onstage as he flubbed his lines – The roast is set to air July 29 on @ComedyCentral https://t.co/gcEM50Ui4a
— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) July 16, 2018
With a career as long as Willis’, there must have been some stuff they missed.
If no one at the Bruce Willis Roast brought up his direct to video movies, I will be very disappointed.
I mean, honestly, his “performance” in Precious Cargo is a roast in of itself. @thecinemasnob
— Mathew Buck (@FB_BMB) July 15, 2018
Fun Fact: The Roast of Bruce Willis will be the first time he's had more than 5 minutes of screen time in something since 1997.
— Patrick R Young (@JustYoungEnough) July 13, 2018
The Roast airs on the 29th, and we can’t wait.
H/T: Huffington Post