The White House press briefing: a moment taken each day to exercise one of our most cherished freedoms and a central tenet of democr—
Just kidding! American politics is a nightmare and the daily press briefing is the moment we awaken to find we cannot get enough air to scream. But hyperbole aside, don’t you kind of relate?
If you answered yes, it will come as no surprise that when comedian Keaton Patti tasked a bot with writing a press briefing, the bot came up with this bizarre—but extremely relatable—script:
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of White House Press Briefings and then asked it to write a White House Press Briefing of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/80jUFfZ8gv
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) August 6, 2018
This is all a joke, of course. Patti wrote it himself. But is it really so off-base? Sure, it’s patently absurd but, like all great comedy, it doesn’t stray all that far from reality!
If you agree, you are definitely not the only one:
Not much different than this: pic.twitter.com/jKcQf3Z1KN
— It’s Pitchfork Time, Folks (@tomhensleyy) August 6, 2018
Bonus points for how the bot builds tension and creates a credible plot.
— Lexie Angelo (@angelolexie) August 6, 2018
I thought these were supposed to be fake.
— The Most Americanest (@dfoliver68) August 6, 2018
A few people even found themselves downright triggered:
It hits too real. Too close, too soon
— Helena Ong (@OngHelena) August 7, 2018
Too close for comfort.
— Your mom (@Butterbrot) August 6, 2018
I don’t like this story, dad pic.twitter.com/gPcX0ZpVCV
— ⓓⓡⓔⓦ ④ ⓤ (@ShortForAndrew) August 6, 2018
While others were not quite sure how to feel:
Funny, then scary, then funny again, then scary again…so, accurate. https://t.co/Xa9loriBi0
— Laura H. Horsfall (@laurahhorsfall) August 6, 2018
— C. L. Bovee de Soto (@chrisbovee) August 6, 2018
And, of course, some people didn’t quiiite get it:
This would be hysterical if it were in a movie. IRL, however, it's terrifying that this is what a machine gleaned from the Huckster
— Channon Doughty (@lotusg13) August 6, 2018
you gave the bot instructions to follow. its just doing what you ask it to do.
— julishwa (@julishwa) August 6, 2018
I'm curious how many times Hogwarts has been mentioned in WH press briefings for the bots to have included it …
— Rachel (@rayraytee88) August 6, 2018
Like…really didn’t get it:
I’ll take “Things that didn’t happen” for $200.
— Art Vandelay (@moriyakari) August 7, 2018
While this is all good for a much-needed laugh, if you’re the bot-building type? Don’t get any ideas!
Actually forcing a bot to watch that much of Sanders is what drives Skynet insane and triggers Judgement Day in this timeline.
— Wesley George (@wesgeorge) August 6, 2018
Things may be…let’s go with “challenging”…nowadays, but luckily Patti’s done a few other equally absurd and hilarious “bot-written” parodies to keep us laughing, skewering everything from The Olive Garden commercials (slogan: When you’re here, you’re here™) to an episode of Undercover Boss where the boss’s name is Cinnabon Hooters. Consider bookmarking them so they’re at the ready for the inevitable day Sarah Huckabee Sanders does actually call a journalist a “news pig.” Laugh to keep from crying!