We’ve all been there, right? You’re out on a first or second date, feeling hopeful, when that special someone suddenly dashes all your expectations by showing up wearing a MAGA hat, or maybe whipping out his collection of karate poetry to recite in the car before you head into the restaurant. (Wait—was that just me?)
Whatever the buzz kill was, it’s THAT story — the one you tell friends to commiserate when they’ve hit dating rock bottom — that Twitter user @_ItsMissBre was after when she asked women to share their worst dating stories.
Ladies: tell me your worst date.
— A Tribe Called Breast (@_ItsMissBre) August 23, 2018
The results were even cringier than you might expect:
I go to pick him up, he asks if I can pick up an ounce of bud for him otw (CO) I say we can go after I get him. I get there he asks where the weed is, I say let's go get some, he's like oh that's okay.. Turned out he was homeless and stole his phone from his last Tinder date.
— Marla Harla (@marla_harla) August 24, 2018
He picked me up on a Sunday morning. Thought we are going to have a breakfast date at a hotel. Ended up in the hotel's conference room where his church gathers Had to sit through a 2 hour church service https://t.co/AL8br17vB2
— La Dolce Far Niente (@Onhwa86) August 27, 2018
There were men who weren’t exactly available:
Over coffee, he told me he was married but that his wife was “flexible”.
There was no second date. https://t.co/A20N8kGcl8
— Elizabeth (@historyinpearls) August 29, 2018
His ex girlfriend drove up in her car and went on a high speed chase after us. I held on for dear life.
— Colleen Doran (@ColleenDoran) August 26, 2018
And some put the “ass” in “class”:
Walked me to the bar, popped me down on a seat, said he was going for a shit, never came back. https://t.co/DC4aBoJbBH
— Quim Jong-un (@sheikyerbouti_) August 28, 2018
Took me to a dinner where he didn't make reservations, so we couldn't get a table. Go to a different place where he proceeds to drink too much. On the way home asks me to get out two stops before my actual station to watch him pee into the train tracks. https://t.co/nLQ5Ecg0Kr
— Natt การุณรังษีวงศ์ (@nattgarun) August 29, 2018
Went on a date to see Mariah Carey w a dude who talked the entire time and tried to scam better seats he didn’t pay for. On the way to the car, he dumped a bunch of trash on the ground and proceeded to pee on it. Worst date in my entire life!
— Adrienne (@OK_Adrienne) August 24, 2018
Some were less-than-perfect gentlemen:
He asked me how many kids I wanted, cut up a fruit roll-up and called it dessert, and took out his fake front teeth before he tried to kiss me. Wish I was kidding.
— kurtvilentines (@brosaleigh) August 25, 2018
Worst pre-date: asked me if I liked heels and when I said yes, asked if I would wear them to our date along with high waisted jeans, full face of makeup, and lipgloss like “he likes”. And followed up with “are you gonna look good for me?” and let me “feel you up a little”.
— King Nina (@SkyLikeSin) August 24, 2018
And some who weren’t very good with flattery:
I showed up to meet a guy I'd only talked to online and the first thing out of his mouth was “You looked prettier in your pictures.” Coincidentally it was also my shortest date. https://t.co/0vdA17mlnk
— holly. (@hollydiggity) August 28, 2018
He was a professional athlete who kept making sure I knew how impressive he was, and then told me in the car ON THE WAY to the restaurant, “There's a 90% chance I'm gonna sleep with you tonight.” I guess he underestimated my 10% say in the matter. https://t.co/XlsKdTErvE
— Kristin Butz (@TheRuralGaucho) August 29, 2018
A couple real intellectuals:
Watched The Dark Knight in his room and he kept pausing it to check that I understood what was going on. Also lent me Sophie's Choice so that I would understand his degree better (he did philosophy) https://t.co/Zam06DkSGR
— fre shavoc a do (@charlotteearney) August 28, 2018
I was set up with a name on a spreadsheet. He would never call just use free chat apps. I said let's meet and asked if the time of 6.30pm would suffice. The word suffice triggered him to call me 'arrogant'. I said we shouldn't meet and to not contact me again.
He kept messaging https://t.co/pU3IxFL8G0
— Dhruti Shah (@dhrutishah) August 27, 2018
He talked about himself nonstop and only asked me two questions: 1) Was Michael Jackson guilty and 2) What was the point of the Dewey Decimal System? Then he got an emergency text about a fire in the chemistry lab he was supervising and invited me to come. HARD PASS. https://t.co/V6LUzTKJZ1
— Danielle Dreger (@DanielleDregerB) August 28, 2018
Shows up with a friend who is dressed like Michael Jackson. On our way to the car, the friend drops a bottle & a shard of glass pops into my date’s . Cut to the ER..me & the friend are in the waiting room, it’s packed! He gets up & proceeds to put on a full concert of MJ tunes
— MrsBundrige (@bigsisternes) August 25, 2018
This comment sums it up best:
the stories you all are sharing about worst dates are mad wild
— just some guy (@b_eternal757) August 23, 2018
Just remember, not all worst date stories have crappy endings! As Women’s Health pointed out last year:
On our first date, my now-husband showed up late and drunk!…He came into the restaurant about 40 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet and smelled like tequila. . . We could barely hold a conversation because he couldn’t keep his eyes open . . . We’ve been married for five years and laugh about that date. He has never been as drunk as he was that first date.
H/T: Twitter, Women’s Health