Joe Mazello — you may not know his name, but you know who he is. If you’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody, you know him as the actor who plays Queen bass player John Deacon. If you’ve seen Jurassic Park, then you know him as Tim, the annoying and precocious grandson who makes a lot of questionable choices. If you’ve seen both, then we’ll give you a minute to process that the Jurassic Park kid grew up to play bass in Queen. The magic of Hollywood!
One of the most questionable choices little Tim makes is his repeated commitment to doing absolutely nothing. He panics and freezes when he’s on the electrified fence. Sure, that’s understandable — heights and impending dino-doom are bound to mess with a kid. But what about that scene where the raptors are trying to break into the room while big sister/superhacker Lex is trying to reboot the system so she can turn the park (but more importantly in that moment, the door locks) back on?
Ellie and Dr. Grant, the adults, run into the room with the kids. Dr. Grant notices the door locks aren’t active and a raptor pops up to peep in the window like the worst unannounced Thanksgiving guest ever. Since she’s not in the mood to play the turkey, Ellie throws her weight against the door. Dr. Grant has a gun at the ready (more on that later) and helps keep the door closed, as well. Lex runs to the computer to try and make some magic happen.
Tim just stands there making this face.
For good measure, he also does the pee-pee dance and randomly slaps the back of Lex’s chair. People have been on poor Joe Mazzello for Tim’s utter uselessness in this scene for over two decades now. He could have helped hold the door. He could have gone to get some more stuff to put behind it to add weight to this barricade. He could have walked over and handed them the gun or scooted it closer to them when they accidentally dropped it just out of reach. Like, there was a whole sequence where the velociraptor almost gets into the room because Ellie needed to move and get the gun.
Only, she didn’t need to move. Tim was right there. HE WAS RIGHT THERE. Everyone was almost a people mcnugget and Tim was right there to help.
Joe spoke to Huffington Post where he finally addressed the haterade head on. Long story short, he knows.
Mistakes were made, OK? Mistakes were made. It was a high-pressure situation. Maybe Dr. Grant didn’t want an 8-year-old boy handling a gun. That’s one theory, but all I have to say is… I wasn’t a complete bozo in the movie. Tim at least understood, ’Hey, don’t shine the light in the T-Rex’s face.′ So I’ll give myself credit for that one. Maybe the gun thing was a mistake, but all’s well that ends well.
We suppose it ended well since nobody we actually cared about became a dino-snack and the movie gifted us with some of the greatest use of Goldblum mankind has ever seen. Nope, you’re not getting out of a Jurassic Park article without seeing it.
But don’t feel bad for Joe. He’s Twitter’s favorite person right now, and nobody seems too worried about how he would react in a dinosaur-related crisis.
joe mazzello i <3 you pic.twitter.com/yckATdAGdZ
— 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 ♡𝘴 𝘫𝘰𝘦+𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱 (x2) (@deakymazzello) October 24, 2018
JOE MAZZELLO WILL GET THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES
— barudesu 😔✊🏽 (@alyonfriday) November 5, 2018
I’m in love with Joe Mazzello.
— alisa (@filmh0tel) November 5, 2018
JOE MAZZELLO IS A BEACON OF SUNSHINE AND HE DESERVES EVERYTHING GOOD pic.twitter.com/wsvRlkTErl
— jess (@mercurymalek) October 11, 2018
joe mazzello deserves the world hes so incredible
— 𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐛𝐨 𝐫𝐡𝐚𝐩 (@meIanchoIybIues) October 24, 2018
JOE MAZZELLO I WOULD GO TO THE ABSOLUTE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR YOU IF IT MEANT YOU COULD BE HAPPY EVERY DAY pic.twitter.com/eI3qW2slG2
— 🥀 (@qreatpretender) October 21, 2018