We can add horses to the long list of things Donald Trump seems to be clueless about, along with, you know, governing.
The official White House Christmas tree arrived on Monday on its typical pomp-and-circumstance horse-drawn carriage. First Lady Melania Trump took a break from her busy schedule of being best to join the President in meeting the carriage while a band played “Oh Christmas Tree.” Just your standard White House pageantry.
And then Trump decided to caress one of the horses.
If you’ve ever been anywhere in the vicinity of even the most docile, well-trained of horses, you’ve probably been told to touch a horse literally anywhere but its butt, because it’s likely to kick you.
Luckily for Donald Trump, the horse in question is sufficiently trained not to follow its instincts — and those of most of the republic’s — and let Trump’s weird grope slide. You know, like the electorate did in 2016. Zing!
But many Americans couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed that Trump somehow escaped the most predictable outcome. Imagine if that horse had kicked the President on live television. In the interest of maintaining editorial impartiality, all we can say is that would have been something!
Folks on Twitter, of course, were not quite so restrained in their takes on Horsebuttgate 2018. There was plenty of horsing around and mocking of Trump’s inability to rein himself in.
Here are a few choice examples straight from the horses’ mouths.
Jesus Christ on a biscuit. Has literally never been near a horse?
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) November 19, 2018
"You can do anything… you can just grab them by the fetters…"
— Nick Smith (@NorthbankNick) November 20, 2018
He just paid that horse $130,000.
— Frank A. Kadar (@FrankAKadar) November 19, 2018
Michael Cohen just sent a check to the horse for $130,000 out of habit.
— Darth Perjury Trap Pooka✊✌ (@darthpooka) November 20, 2018
When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
— Daily Trix (@DailyTrix) November 19, 2018
Literally grabs the butt of everything that crawls or walks
— Peter (@PeterJohn501) November 19, 2018
Melanie sighs with relief that it's not her ass he's touching.
— Luɔifer (@LokiLoptr) November 19, 2018
Does he think that horse is Ivanka?? pic.twitter.com/M82FQHZSwR
— Only A Lad 😎🎸🎹 (@FeasterFamine) November 19, 2018
Even the horse moves away from Trump’s little hand when touched by @realDonaldTrump
— GrammyGoya (@GrammyGoya) November 19, 2018
The horses ass petting the horses ass 😂
— Mark (@MoLoLoMo86) November 19, 2018
But one tweet seemed to sum it all up:
If that horse would have just unloaded with both back feet all our problems could have been solved.
The horse that was almost an American hero.
— Scruffy Nerf Herder (@CTCullensArt) November 19, 2018
Oh well. There’s always next Christmas.