Kids, man. Most of them are just cute little nuggets being cute and doing dumb stuff that makes us all chuckle, like “aww!”
And then there are the ones that you THINK are just cute little nuggets but are actually secret evil geniuses. This story is about the latter.
A gent on Twitter recently posted a video of his niece playing with her bird. Aww! Cute! Kids! She’s adorable and smiley, and there’s just nothing cuter than a kid and her pet, right?
Except this kid—who is maybe four?!—has trained her bird to attack anyone she screams at. As the person filming her learned the hard way.
My niece has her bird trained to attack anyone she screams at 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/ea0JoWMNrT
— Lord Flocko 🐦 (@Apex_sH) April 30, 2019
Have you ever seen such sheer, unadulterated evil in your life?!
Do you think the woman filming survived?! Honestly, I’m not bothered either way.
Because this kid is our new queen and we have decided to serve her as such forevermore.
This child is a criminal mastermind. Think of all the answers she has. Think of all the solutions she could provide, the people she could put in place. Think of all the rooms she could walk into and just instantly OWN the entire whole-ass place.
I mean that bird STAYS READY.
This is the ultimate bait-and-switch. She’s sweet and adorable but all it takes is for one person to underestimate her one time and it’s GAME. OVER.
When we impeach you-know-who, this little girl and her bird are our new President. That’s it. We don’t even need a 2020 election or this stupid-ass primary that’s already out of hand. It’s done. It’s over. Girl and Her Bird 2020 and 2024 and 2028 and 2032 and 2156 and 2398. Forever. Always.
And the internet was similarly awestruck by our new queen:
Why the bird didn’t even think twice about it tho? Didn’t even look , just FLEW
— youtube/Alonzo (@alonzolerone) May 1, 2019
The bird was on go, didn’t wait .01 sec before it took off
— Nobody (@knowbode) May 1, 2019
Me using that bird to attack anyone that touches me pic.twitter.com/HnndzcPV54
— Juandré Swanepoel (@Swanepoel97) May 1, 2019
I’m not going to lie but I thought the same thing 😆
— BUY MY BOOK💎 (@AuthorLHayes) May 1, 2019
ima need a series of videos her calling upon birds on random people
— a stay at home pimp (@oneuphoe) April 30, 2019
she holds so much power holy shit
— Isaac E. (@IDIOTEYESICK) May 1, 2019
— antonio (@antonio_pernas) May 1, 2019
Take this down before the government try to get her bro she the start of the new species 😂
— ♒Paris_Dub01 ♒ (@parisdublin2001) April 30, 2019
— Dr. Aqualus Gordon (@aqualus) May 1, 2019
Long may she reign!