Reddit is an enormous place, but one of the finest corners of the site is AITA subreddit, an acronym that stands for “Am I The Assh*le.” It’s at AITA where people post their moral quandaries (and shitp*sts), and the latest story out of the subreddit is not to be missed.
A maid of honor wrote to the denizens of Reddit asking if she is the assh*le for debating whether she should back out of her best friend’s wedding. Her story is a TRIP.
Her story begins with the moment when she discovered that her ex-fiancé cheated on her.
“Jump into the worst week of my life. I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. Loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for August. Refused a job offer so could move with him for his next Air Force assignment.”
“Monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she’s reaching out to old clients because she’s back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying). I text back she must have wrong number.”
“She says she doesn’t. In a moment of brains I pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. I’m such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years.”
The woman says she then confronted him with her discovery:
“I confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises to change. I consider it for half a second and say no.”
“Cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of STD tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who I loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on.”
And while that’s bad, it only gets worse…
“And on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. Groom doesn’t want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. Bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she’ll ‘make it up to me.'”
…and oh, dear:
“I’ve never hated a human being as much as I hate him. I can’t be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. I understand the whole wedding doesn’t need to fall apart because I’m upset. so I just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over Percocet from my wisdom teeth operation, f*cking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his sh*t.”
Here’s her original Reddit post:
AITA if I back out of being maid of honor at my best friends wedding next weekend? Best man is my ex fiancé who cheated on me and I can’t be around him let alone walk arm in arm with him. from r/AmItheAsshole
The woman later clarified that all this drama took place last Monday, so she didn’t sit on this info for long before speaking with the bride and reaching out to the internet for help.
She received quite a few NTAs—that’s “Not the Assh*le,” for those of you paying attention—and the sympathy of the subreddit, which, if you’ve ever spent time there, you know can be difficult to come by.
PLEASE don’t go. NTA!!! I would bet my last pair of clean panties that the groom is trying to help foster a “talk to her at the wedding” type of thing. I am planning a wedding and hell yeah, I am stressed to the max, but I wouldn’t ask my best friend to just suck it up.
“You can’t make up for that kind of torture. I know it’s their day, it’s supposed to be everyone doing all they can for the bride and groom, but this crosses the f*cking line.”
“Honestly, what kind of friend is she being to even ask such a thing, stressed or not.”
“I am deeply sorry for all that you are dealing with. I hope you get all of the f*cking you need OP and you then take some time to heal. Sending you internet hugs from California.”
“HOLY. BAWLS. You’re NTA. But your ex is a huge one, and your “best friend” is a selfish jackass. I would dump all of them and get a new life.”
“NTA. Bride isn’t the asshole either. This is all so last minute that I think that backing out would be better for your mental health. Calmly explain to your friend that your sanity is more important at this time and that you will gladly celebrate with her and her new husband at another time. If she can’t see that you are hurt over this and doing what is best for you, then she really isn’t a friend you need to deal with.”
“And your ex absolutely sucks. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this.”
“If she’s my best friend, she will understand me for not being there. However, if I’m the bride, and it’s my best friend going through this sh*t. I’ll kick the best man out of the wedding. You’re definitely NTA no matter what.”
“NTA, she can not and will not ever make it up to you for putting you through that.”
“The thing is, it’s not just the walking down the aisle and other incidental moments of direct contact with the cheating scumbag ex.”
“It’s the whole wedding. She was engaged: she’d have to stand there and witness, intimately, loving vows and kisses and tender moments and pledges of devotion, all while it’s incredibly fresh on her mind that she thought she was going to have that herself, and now won’t (at least, you know, not with her ex).”
“That’s pretty brutal. It’s like going to a baby shower a few days after a miscarriage.”
“You backing out of the wedding will be an inconvenience for your friends, but that can be solved. Ex BF sucks, but he doesn’t have to miss his friend’s wedding. You don’t have to tolerate his presence.”
“I personally think you should go to the wedding and have a good time there. Ask to be paired with someone else. Bring a hot date if you can (petty, but will keep you entertained). Your ex is part of your friends’ lives, this won’t be the last time you see him. You will not be an assh*le if you don’t participate though. I hope things get better for you in the future, OP.”
The jury’s verdict is in and it’s pretty clear… this young woman is NTA and we totally get it.
She did, however, decide she would attend the wedding and came to her friend’s defense:
“I have to clear up people calling my best friend the asshole. That just isn’t the case, at all. I love her as much as I love any person on the planet and she has my back. But this wedding is now a week away. It’s not a simple thing of kicked me [sic] out or asking ex-fiancé not to come.”
Apparently, only the bride and a few others know about the cheating ex’s history with call girls—and she’d like to keep it that way. The bride has even presented her with a solution:
“My best friend and her groom being assholes isn’t even an option on the table. They didn’t do anything wrong and [are] just reacting with the best information they have. My friend has offered me the chance to allow me and ex-fiancé to walk in with other people or even separately, but I’m not going to do that.”
Why? Well, there’s always a reason:
“First of all because I think it will look weird. And secondly I foresee getting a sick since [sic] of satisfaction of touching him ONE LAST TIME–FOREVER and have him know that that spark he feels…could have been forever come August but he f*cked it up.”
We wish this young woman way more than luck.