Sex Toy Company Releases New Study About Masturbation In America—And People Are Really Feeling Themselves

Alright, all you people saying you “have no plans for the weekend…”

Right.

According to a new study, we know exactly what you got planned! You’re not fooling anyone: A slapping—sorry, whopping—84 percent of Americans are fiddling with their tidbits on a regular basis!

 

That’s according to the results of a survey sex toy company Tenga recently released that polled 10,000 adults in nine countries about their, um, “self-care habits,” ifyaknowwhatImean.

And the results are either surprising or not surprising at all, depending on your biases!

Some interesting facts:

  • 91% of men do the ol’ rub-and-tug
  • 78% of women do too
  • Millennials, ever the over-achievers, are the most hands-on cohort among us, with 88% of them having indulged at one time or another.

Now I’m no scientist but I’m pretty sure ALL these statistics are actually 100% and the discrepancy just comes from people full-out lying because EVERYONE JACKS OR JILLS OFF. EVERYONE.

 

Anyway. Some other fun facts the good people at Tenga uncovered: techniques may differ amongst the genders—for instance, three quarters of men jerk off with porn, while only about half of women use smut to do the deed—but all of y’all are out here banging it out to YOUR EXES about one third of the time.

(We suggest NOT sharing this information with your partner cuz… well you know how that’s gonna go.)

And perhaps unsurprisingly, where we spend quality time with ourselves centers primarily on the bedroom and the bathroom—so you know, be sure to knock or whatever.

 

But! Some of you people are getting real creative. Some six percent of men have worked the gear shift while driving—which seems… unsafe but do you, gents! (just don’t take anyone else out while you’re scaling those heights; remember it’s called “safe sex” for a reason)—and a handful of you people are working yourselves off in the kitchen or….AT WORK!

Image result for freak gif

 

And perhaps most interestingly, euphemistic self-care has become… well, regular self-care: a whopping 74 percent of respondents said masturbation is how they practice self-care, and it was the second most cited means of stress relief, just behind actual sex.

Anyway, on social media, the survey definitely got people talking—and of course, joking! 

 

Anyway, there you have it! Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be, um, taking a nap for the next little while? So please don’t come near the bedroom door, thanks!

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