Pregnant people do some not-so-typical things. Speaking as a currently pregnant human being, and a human being who has done this pregnant thing a time or two before… there are things that happen in your brain and your body that are far outside of what would be considered “normal” for you and can sometimes make you act oddly.
Having said that, being pregnant doesn’t automatically excuse you from the consequences of those actions.
Consequences are where one Reddit user is struggling when it comes to his pregnant wife. He has been trying not to argue with her as her behavior has spiraled into the irrational, but her latest scheme just went way too far for him.
Let’s start at the beginning. For most of the post, it seems to be pretty normal (though terribly handled) pregnancy stuff. For example, he says she often complains that everything he cooks tastes terrible — but eats all of it anyway.
What many people don’t realize is that being pregnant can absolutely make everything taste awful, no matter how perfectly it’s prepared. This can be exacerbated if the pregnant person has had to smell it being cooked.
It’s not uncommon to have literally no idea what you want, but then think you do only to take a bite and recoil in disgust. Some people get ravenously hungry so they end up eating a ton of food that they didn’t actually want and didn’t actually taste good to them.
It’s not that the food is bad — it’s just that your pregnant brain and body have betrayed you.
That’s not an excuse to treat your partner poorly and insult them, though.
That part of his issue seems pretty easily solved with a conversation — but he states that he works so many hours that he doesn’t point these things out to her because he doesn’t want to argue. He wants peace when he’s home.
That might seem like a solid tactic, but it may actually be contributing to the problem. If he’s avoiding arguing, that means he is avoiding talking. From her perspective, he is gone most of the time and doesn’t talk when he is home. She may not realize how she’s making him feel ignored and slighted.
So here’s where things get “interesting.” Pregnant wife and her best friend hatched a scheme to test his loyalty. People, this is literally never a good idea. Ever. Do you really need an article to tell you that? We hope not.
Anyway, he ends up passing their little loyalty test, but is so insulted and angered by the whole scheme on top of how she’s been treating him, that he is considering asking his wife to just move out.
Here’s his Reddit post:
Tons of the responses focused on the legality of asking her to move out (hence the edit), but that wasn’t what he was asking about. Once people got past that and started focusing on everyone’s actions, the comments got intense.
Interestingly, almost everyone’s advice was the same:
What she did sucked and she totally needs to be called out on it, but maybe try talking before you kick her out.
“Yikes. Might I suggest some couples therapy first? What she did was clearly an A move, though I don’t think you’d be in the right to have her move out while pregnant.”
“From OP’s post:
I don’t argue with her because I work for more than 80 hours a week
I think given that line, he’s probably been letting these feelings fester and is ready to snap, but it sounds like he hasn’t really given the “talk things over” option a fair shake. Obviously they’ve been together for a while.
I’d say if he jumps right to kicking her out, he’s kind of the ass*ole. Couple’s therapy might be the best bet, but talking this through at all is at least the minimum requirement.
Working over 80 hours a week is probably making things worse, too. He’s probably on a short fuse from the hours, she’s probably got some pregnancy brain and is missing him. Sounds like they just need to reconnect.”
“It also sounds like she feels really insecure and unattractive and she is looking for confirmation that he still sees her that way. He doesn’t show her affection because he is working long hours, is tire, and is mad because she is being petty. She, in return, is petty because she feels like he is meeting her emotional needs.
It is hard when your spouse works a lot. My husband is usually pretty flexible, but he has a lot of deadlines right now and that means working extra hours to get it done. It can be lonely when you don’t have your spouse around to share a meal with or have a date night (even if it is a date night in). It is easy to be upset because of the situation and end up being mad at each other. It takes good communication skills, and it can be hard when they are both so frustrated. I think counseling can really help them, if they both put in the work. I do feel bad because I don’t see this working out for them unless they are both willing to make some changes.”
“Seeking help and therapy and not responding to overreaction with overreaction is best for everyone, including his unborn daughter.
Seeking help and taking time with things is not the same as laying down and taking it. He needs to set boundaries and reinforce those boundaries with therapy. Honestly, this is such a huge hit to his trust that he should see therapy by himself, that is a heavy toll.”
“Hormones don’t make you abusive. It’s an excuse, not a cause.
If I stub my toe, I might scream. That’s because I stubbed my toe. That’s a cause.
If I stub my toe and go punch my spouse, that’s not because I stubbed my toe. That’s an excuse.
If I’m pregnant and I have difficulty controlling my emotions, that’s a cause.
If I’m pregnant and I continuously treat my spouse like a slave and plot with my friends to ‘test’ him, that’s an excuse.”
“Some suggestions before you go that far (not edicts):
Tell wife that adults, especially in intimate relationships, don’t play games with each other. Life will throw you enough complications without either person stirring up needless difficulties.
This “best friend” isn’t a best friend.
Pregnant or not, hormones are not an excuse for childlike behavior. As a matter of fact, being a cohesive front will be necessary for effective parenting.
In my experience, it never goes well when one person “throws the other person out.” Separation is best done — so long as abuse isn’t present — by planning how the 2 people can unentangle their lives with the least damage, emotionally and financially, to each party.
You have to learn to work with her in some way if you intend to parent a child.
Congratulations on the pending child!”
“If my husband suddenly started acting insane, the first trip would be to a doctor not to a divorce attorney. If this behavior really did start with pregnancy, it would make more sense to seek a medical opinion on how pregnancy is affecting her, and go to counseling. I mean, I assume you were pretty committed before this point if you decided to have a baby together. And if she never acted this way before in what I assume has not been a super short relationship, I would be slower to just assume this is how things will be for the rest of your life. Feels a little like throwing the baby out with the bath water.”
“This should be treated first and foremost like a medical issue. People saying hormones aren’t a free pass… They certainly don’t excuse this sort of behavior but there are so many studies about how hormones affect mental health significantly, exacerbating even underlying conditions like bipolar disorder. My first step would absolutely not be to kick her out, she needs help. Reddit is so quick to say break up, and there is definitely a good proportion who love to have a circle jerk around a woman in the wrong, but this is your wife. It’s a shitty thing she did but she is clearly suffering right now. At least talk to her.”
“I mean it’s great that pregnancy hasn’t affected a lot of you super badly, but just so you are aware pregnancy hormones can interfere with neurotransmitters and this can lead to major changes in mood and behavior. Some people it’s just mild mood swings but in a small population of people it can trigger full blown psychosis or depression. I’ve worked with some pregnant women with no history of mental illness who suddenly believe their partner is dead and has been replaced by an imposter etc, all sorts of delusions can develop. They aren’t bad people they are just suffering from paranoia. That paranoia can be very irrational but generally people with these problems lack the insight needed to see that and this prevents them from trying to get help.
I mean don’t get me wrong in this case she was totally wrong to test him like this and he hasn’t described anything else that would indicate paranoia that needs mental health intervention but just so you are aware these things are on a continuum and whilst you might be on one end with a little anxiety and cravings I think it’s important to note some people are on the other end with psychosis. Pregnancy hormones can totally make people act way worse than this lady. Doctor and counseling first, then move on to other options.”
Now you’ve heard what Reddit has to say, but we want your thoughts. Sound off in the comments!