Where to even begin… um…
How about if you ever have the idea to make a movie about a WHITE MAN pretending to be a BLACK WOMAN on the radio (because mocking how other cultures speak like in blackface minstrel shows and Disney’s never going to see the light of day again Song of the South is soooo funny), just say no.
Let’s start there. Please. PLEASE just don’t do it!
But, unfortunately, a man named Jeremy Saville did. A man who is white. In 2019.
So! You know, on one hand, never doubt your dreams. And on the other hand, please at the very least follow some people on Black Twitter so that you can learn how not to be like Jeremy Saville and do something wildly racist and sexist like this.
Movie Name: #Loqueesha
Movie Plot: White guy gets rejected for his radio show idea decides to pretend to be a black woman gets the job and now he can pay for his kids' private school.
Coming to a theater near you. pic.twitter.com/MorjMTwhf1
— cory provost (@coryprovost) May 11, 2019
Ok, wow. Wow, wow, wow….
Let’s break down this synopsis.
This will definitely go over well in 2019. pic.twitter.com/UgaNE77p5T
— No Context Sean Mulvihill (@NotSPMulvihill) May 10, 2019
Reading this thing is like a gradual descent into a fever dream nightmare. It starts out okay…
“From Writer/Director Jeremy Saville, LOQUEESHA is the hilarious and heartwarming story of Joe, an astute and underachieving Detroit bartender who values truth above everything.”
And even sounds interesting maybe!
“When Joe finds out he needs to pay for his gifted son’s private school education, he submits an audition to a local radio station for his own talk therapy show.”
“After he’s rejected, he invents a larger-than-life black female personality named Loqueesha, who is hired sight unseen by the unwitting radio station owners.”
“As Loqueesha’s star rises, Joe is increasingly challenged with keeping her identity a secret, maintaining his own sense of self and grappling with the often bizarre perceptions of an audience who have absolutely no idea who they’re talking, or listening, to.”
And then comes the real kicker:
“With a diverse cast of breakthrough actors, LOQUEESHA takes viewers on an unexpected and thought-provoking journey that challenges society’s—and our own—conventional beliefs about identity and perception. Deftly navigating the prevalent themes of race and gender in our culture, LOQUEESHA reminds us that, in the end, our personal truth is all that matters. Well, that and a good laugh.”
This guy thinks he’s teaching us something‽‽
WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON‽‽
Have you ever cringed harder? I cringed so hard my entire spine and both collarbones cracked and I’m currently in a full body cast dictating this article to a nurse.
I’ve been told I’ll heal eventually but due to neurological damage I will be stuck in the following loop my entire life:
I mean this is basically blackface without the makeup and there’s a new person of color being killed by the police every week and our President is openly chummy with White supremacists. And half the country is passing laws regulating women’s bodies and access to healthcare for “religious reasons.”
Seems like a perfect time to make a movie mocking Black women and call it a lesson in civil rights, feminism and gender studies from a White dude.
“If you’re an honesty loving White dude who can’t afford $13,000 for your kid’s private school, pretend to be a Black woman because they’re at the top of the socioeconomic ladder and taking all of our high paying jobs.”
Or whatever the f**k is going on here because I honestly don’t know what is happening or where I am or what is real.
Anyway, as you might guess, the internet basically primal screamed…
“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU”
…in unison to the news of Loqueesha:
how in the who in the why in the actual fuck:https://t.co/0LQzz361dL
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 10, 2019
What in the blackface HELL is this?!!! —-> “Loqueesha is the hilarious and heartwarming story of Joe, an astute and underachieving Detroit bartender who values truth above everything” who “invents a larger-than-life black female personality named Loqueesha” https://t.co/e5W6TqVifE
— Charles M. Blow (@CharlesMBlow) May 10, 2019
— Brandon Stroud (@MrBrandonStroud) May 11, 2019
So. I just found out about #Loqueesha. A white man pretending to be a Black woman—what he deems as what Black, “ghetto” “hood” women sound like.
Time & again it shows how Black women are neglected, disrespected, and don’t matter.
Hollywood turns BW books/scripts to make this 💩
— TEE FRANKLIN (@MizTeeFranklin) May 11, 2019
Dear, Everyone who ain't a Black Woman,
You do not have an inner Black woman living inside of you. Your desire to "tell it like it is" is seen as either vulgar, obnoxious, or disruptive when done by actual Black women. pic.twitter.com/cEH79XY0OF
— Joelle Monique ✍🏾 (@JoelleMonique) May 10, 2019
This is gross. Black girls are magic but we get to control who uses it. How dare you use our empathy and wisdom as a joke while implying that we are handed opportunities that should belong to sad white dads who just want to pay for prep school.
— Leslie Streeter (@LeslieStreeter) May 11, 2019
Even choosing the name Loqueesha is racist, coded to sound loud and "ghetto." Our names are beautiful and stemmed in a dream of individuality and representation. Every nameless Black female interpretation is rooted in misogynoir. pic.twitter.com/xNFr15DYh8
— Joelle Monique ✍🏾 (@JoelleMonique) May 10, 2019
I watched that horrible Loqueesha trailer and it made my blood boil. A grown white man is a failure in life and fantasizes that his goals are easier to accomplish as a Black Woman. A double minority? It’s 2019 and they’re still using us as scapegoats. Okay, Amy Fisher pic.twitter.com/hY2x0D20lq
— Ba-Donkin’ Donutz 🍩☕️ (@Crysmay04) May 10, 2019
— Olivia Pope Francis (@secofreal) May 11, 2019
Listen, the protagonist is only doing this because he needs to (checks notes) pay the tuition for a $13,000 per semester private school for his son. Talk about low stakes to justify racism. Just send the damn kid to public school and start a podcast.
— Jeff Landry (@ComicJeffLandry) May 11, 2019
Thing about that Loqueesha trailer, I didn't know what it was at first, i'd only watched half of it. I thought people were roasting it because of bad acting, tone, editing…
then I actually saw the whole fucking thing
— Pitt Lefto (@JLongb0ne) May 11, 2019
If there’s a silver lining here though, it’s that people have made the movie’s IMDb trivia page LIT AF:
Whether that horrific "Loqueesha" movie is real or fake, the only thing that's made me laugh about it is this piece of trivia on the film's IMDB page. pic.twitter.com/2sfHY00ttR
— Evan Birnholz (@evanbirnholz) May 11, 2019
It just keeps getting better. Oh my lord. This is the IMDb trivia page for LOQUEESHA. pic.twitter.com/DiJFXY1bUw
— Scott Weinberg (@scottEweinberg) May 11, 2019
Anyway, the film will probably be the darling of the alt-right and probably gross a billion dollars in one weekend so jokes on all of us.
2019, man. 2019.