Well you know what they: there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Oh and also WTF IS WRONG WITH FLORIDA?! That’s the other adage.
In any case, these two forces recently combined for one heck of a “Florida Man” story: Natasha Bagley of Miami, Florida has been arrested and charged after attacking a manager at a Burger King.
What precipitated this attack?
When Natasha drove up into the drive-thru (wearing, it must be said, one hell of a kicky blond wig!) with her friend Genesis Peguero and demanded free fries, the employee working the drive-thru was like:
And now Natasha’s probably gonna go to jail. Over fries. From Burger King! They’re not even good!
I mean really! If you’re gonna do crimes for french fries it’s McDonald’s fries or GTFO, come on!
Anyway, here’s what went down, according to Miami’s NBC affiliate: Natasha and her buddy Genesis went through the drive-thru of the BK in Southwest Miami on April 2 and demanded free fries. When the employee was like “LOL no,” they went inside, jumped the counter and threatened a manager with a .45 caliber pistol.
Then when the manager tried to call the cops, Peguero punched her in the face. Then Bagley joined in the punching for a bit, they knocked two computer cash registers onto the floor, and fled the scene.
OVER BURGER KING FRENCH FRIES. I just!
Anyway, Natasha’s been charged with armed burglary with assault or battery, attempted robbery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief. Genesis, on the other hand, is still at large, presumably holed up someplace where she’s housing Burger King fries.
As you might guess, you and I are not alone in screaming “WTF?!” into the void about this story:
And yet another example of how unflattering bangs can be.
— Charles R. Gallagher (@GallagherLaw) May 28, 2019
NOW I know where she copied the hairstyle from: pic.twitter.com/5tJJQV0tzL
— J K Ryan (@jkryan1) May 30, 2019
And of course, the Florida of it all did not go unnoticed…
The mating rituals in Florida must be something else.
— Rocky 2020 (@Rocky4President) May 29, 2019
When you say Florida you've said it all.
— PA. Vignettes (@PAVH48) May 29, 2019
I have SO many questions for the people in my home state…
🍟 🤷🏻♂️ 🍟 https://t.co/MRJbcPahPZ
— Josh Breslow (@JoshBreslowWKRN) May 28, 2019
It’s time to fire Florida.
— Natalia (@NataliaDubya) May 30, 2019
But some were more concerned with the welfare of a certain pop star to whom Natasha bears a resemblance…
someone tell Sia to chill
— lex☀ (@itslexcc) May 29, 2019
Sia did that
— Tyko – (@obsessedfurler) May 29, 2019
Poor Sia, they cut her wig for the mugshot 🙁
— Justin Martinez (@Glohofosho) May 28, 2019
And we’re not the only ones straining to understand going to these lengths for Burger King fries.
Was this really about the fries, because they’re not even that good ⁉️ 🍟 🤔 #OnlyinFlorida #FloridaWoman attacks Miami Burger King manager after they were denied free french fries @nbc2 @BurgerKing https://t.co/xZlJhwGuu5 pic.twitter.com/rIOQ0dft8T
— Only_in_Florida (@0nlyInFlorida) May 29, 2019
Oh, Florida people. Never stop being you!