In what simply must be the most hilariously symbolic thing to ever happen in the history of human existence, the “Friendship Tree” our Glorious Leader—President Donald Trump—and French President Emmanuel Macron planted is now just a pile of dead sticks being run through the wood chipper of time.
Trump and Macron planted a friendship tree. Now it’s dead. https://t.co/rOSgeYQc5x
— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) June 11, 2019
Fitting since all the photos look like a funeral anyway.
Why? Because it’s 2019 and what did you THINK was going to happen, that it was going to live for 100s of years and be the second coming of the Angel Oak?
Of course Trump was going to kill it. Pretty much all of our foreign relations have turned to dust.
Except Russia and North Korea and Saudi Arabia. Allies? Pfft… we don’t need no stinkin’ allies!
Seriously this is all more on-the-nose than a hacky SNL skit, but it’s real life. In case you’ve forgotten, here’s what went down.
Last year, cute lil Manny Macaron came to visit Trump and brought him the tree, which came from a World War I battlefield in France where 2,000 American Marines died, as a gesture of “international friendship,” which…
Anyway, there was a whole planting ceremony and everything. Then the tree disappeared, because the US requires all foreign plants and animals to be quarantined.
You know, sort of like how it puts brown babies in cages in the Texas desert.
We’re nothing if not consistent!
Meanwhile, as the tree served its time in quarantine, Trump went back to Twitterscreaming at Macron about *checks notes* I honestly have no idea. Does it even matter anyway?
Though he was sure to add your Fox News Dad’s favorite slur about how the French would be speaking German if it weren’t for the US, because Nazi occupations are extremely funny and the French Resistance was only on Hogan’s Heroes.
Emmanuel Macron suggests building its own army to protect Europe against the U.S., China and Russia. But it was Germany in World Wars One & Two – How did that work out for France? They were starting to learn German in Paris before the U.S. came along. Pay for NATO or not!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 13, 2018
Nevermind that without the French we’d still be British subjects which is why every city in America has a Lafayette Blvd but, whatever, facts are dumb and boring.
Anyway while he was doing that, the tree never made it out of quarantine, because it died there. Much like 24 of the migrants at the border!
And the Trump-Macron friendship seems to have died too, since their recent D-Day meet-up was apparently a bit icy on account of them having many disagreements, since Macron believes in basic facts like climate change and Trump is basically what you’d get if a conspiracy-theory YouTube Channel grew up to be a real boy.
Anyway this is all incredibly stupid because we live in incredibly stupid times and folks on social media were definitely feeling the stupidity.
Never underestimate the symbolism offered by nature.
— Devin Nunes' Guilty as Fudge Dotard Cow (@ImmigrantPatri2) June 10, 2019
Everybody is trying to tell us something even plants
— Sally Carter ✨ (@GirlOnFireSally) June 10, 2019
Eventually everything trump touches dies.
— Fire the Stupid President (@rneedham8888) June 11, 2019
Died of embarassment
— Shadyway Besana (@mcmttack) June 11, 2019
I’m thinking it took its own life. 🌳
— Mark Daum (@daumdesign) June 10, 2019
OMG, even the trees have joined the resistance. 🤣🤣https://t.co/kD0DmrIpLo
— Linda Sarsour (@lsarsour) June 11, 2019
Trump probably tried to feed it Burger King
— Dawcy (@dawcyl81) June 10, 2019
Liberté, égalité, hilarité.
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) June 10, 2019
Now that's a metaphor!
— Trisha Cleary (@FishaAnn) June 10, 2019
Every day now is like 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻 brought to life.
— Martin Rayner 🍁🇬🇧 🇨🇦 🏳️🌈⚛🌈 (@Martin_Rayner) June 10, 2019
Anyway, RIP Macron-Trump tree. We hardly knew you.