Guy’s List Of Tips For How Women Can ‘Keep A Man’ Is Getting Dragged All The Way Back To The ’50s

Alright, ladies!

Gather ’round and hush up, some retrograde, troglodyte man is talking about how you can land him and hoo boy.

Is he a catch!

Meet Richard Cooper, some Canadian douchebag whose interests include Twitter shi*posting about “the cold hard truth in life, biz & women” and creating charming YouTube videos with titles like:

“How to Test for High Quality Women.”

He’s a real find, scraggly beard and all.

Seriously beard oil and a set of clippers will run you like $20 on Amazon. It’s not hard, Dick.

Anyway, Richard Cooper has some advice for all you dumb ladybroads who can’t find a boyfriend cuz you’re not one of the “rational sistas from another mista” he shouts out in his YouTube videos.

Write this down!

LOL this is very good, thanks Dick!

Let’s assume for a moment that this actually is how straight men feel.

What does this say about them‽

Like, as a gay person who’s spent his life on the outside looking in at straight men, I’m reading this list like “LOL yep this tracks” but I never imagined they’d start leaning into being such simpletons in 2019 as if it’s a badge of honor.

Like to hear this guy tell it, all straight men are is this stereotype.

“ME WANT FOOD AND BOOBIES NO TALK JUST KISSY LIPS ON PEEPEEBONE *pokes at both breasts and giggles*”

I mean your entire shi* is telling the rest of us how superior and evolved you are, but okay Dick.

Anyway the good news is, ladies, it’s THIS EASY to find a man. So long as you don’t have the misfortune of having had a child at some point in which case you are disgusting and should die alone atoning for your sins.

Sorry, them’s the breaks according to extremely desirable troglodyte Richard Cooper.

Anyway!

This being 2019 and not 1956, the internet was basically horrified by this as*hole.

While others offered some far more useful guidelines of their own.

And some couldn’t help but poke holes in Dick’s logic.

Anyway, I think there’s only one solution for good ol’ Dick Cooper, ladies…


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Do your worst!

You can let Dick know how you feel with this shirt, available here.

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And you can get valuable advice about not being a dick from the book How to Not Be a Dick: And Other Essential Truths About Work, Sex, Love―and Everything Else That Matters available here.

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